I'm overwhelmed!

I was thinking that I need to take a little break from active derby training. I am moving to another town sometime in the next month or so, which means a switch to yet another league, I'm also expanding my online business into the real world, which is is going to take much more time and care, AND I've got this extra heavy fatigue thing going on right now, what with spending all my time wrestling a belligerent abet adorable toddler.

I could really use to take the extra 10 to 15 hours derby now takes a week and spread it around a little. Some dry land workouts there, some getting shit done over there, maybe even getting some blogging done over here, seeing as it's hard to keep up on a derby blog while active in derby since there is no freaking time. You play or you write about it. Not both at the same time.

All these good reasons to take a small step back and pick up again in a few months once everything calms down.

But, then, when would I skate? I would miss the hum of my wheels on the track, the quick step step step to get around the turn, the weaving the skates in figure 8s and trying to spell out dirty words with my sticky skates during the warm up. The frightened squeak of the fresh meat when I come in for a shoulder nudge, the chasing of a escapee jammer, the satisfaction of a well executed positional block. Skating, scheming, shoving. I love this stuff. Even the things that make my legs quiver, like that breathless moment right before I try for a quick speed transition to do a tomahawk stop or getting on the track with the Big Girls knowing that they'll goat me and shove me out over and over again.

So, instead of backing off, I'm going to take it up a notch. Perhaps this is all the evidence you need to finally label me a masochist and be able to ignore most of my ramblings here as loony talk.

But hear me out first. I can't seem to do much about the time derby takes, since I still have what amounts to a three hour drive twice a week to attend practices. Plus any extra time doing whatever needs done. And I can't say that stopping the derby would do much for my fatigue. What would help there is if my kid would take a bloody Valium, go to bed before 10 pm and sleep past 6 am. Actually, I'm fairly confident the six hours of commute time a week AWAY from my kids actually helps keep me sane and them alive. So, that's not really a problem per se (sad baby faces as I leave not withstanding).

(Have I mentioned lately how much I love my kids?  I do.  Despite what you may have heard here.)

Now, what else was I whining about earlier? Oh, moving. Moving! Well, I'm fairly certain there will be derby now, next month, and next year, all ready for me when I am ready for it. But it also means that while I am busy living life, all my cohorts will be training hard and getting way better than me. Call it a residual neurosis from my teenage years, but I hate hate hate being left out.

And then expanding my business and essentially quadrupling my work load? It's probably better to be fit and healthy to help handle the stress.  Yes, siree.  (I think this is a particularly good rationalization, don't you?)

It seems to me that with things important yet optional to us, hobbies, bad habits, children, that we have to occasionally take stock of the situation and reevaluate it's position in our lives. Is the time, hard work and expense still worth it to me for this particular thing I do? Since it's not, you know, crucial to survival?  And actually cuts into my tv watching quite severally?  Every decision we make simultaneously opens doors and slams others. Even the good takes away stuff.  We can't do everything. I've got to ask, what is it the derby adds to me life? What does it take away?

Well, I've thought about it - I won't bore you with the details - and decided how I am going to approach this particular time and energy crunch curve ball. I am going to train as much as I can through out this move to continue to develop my skills, but I am going to make the derby learning much easier by up my general fitness with boot camp-esque workouts and endurance exercises.  Should, theoretically, help with the tiredness also.  Right?


It's the least I can do.