Thursday, August 4, 2011


I have a bit of a cold. 

Hahahaha!  That was me trying out a bit of understatement and it kind of tickled.

I DO have a cold.  But it's more a possession by a demon called Cold.  It snuck in like a ghost blocker and felled me.  I'm haunted by Cccccoooolllldddd.  An evil Cold that sends chills and shivers up the spine while wracking my body with coughing spasms that bring up extremely unpleasant chunky fluids.

Frightfully malevolent, Cold has taken a life of it's own.  Cold has filled my sinus cavities up with an ectoplasmic substance that threatens to drown me and anyone unfortunate enough to be around with a shower of something obscene.

Cold has set up camp in my chest.  It's been a bit worrisome, what with gagging coughing that comes as Cold settles in, and the sharp pains I've assumed has been from tacking up its favorite Twilight posters to make the place more welcoming for its roommates Fever, Aches, and Addiction to Reality TV.

I've been really good while trying to oust Cold.  I've been drinking lots of hot drinks with mint, (almost) no alcohol, resting, small amounts of gentle exercise and the occasional fit of impotent rage to keep the blood flowing to my extremities.  According to Dr. Internet, I should wait another week before I go bother a real live doctor with my cough and yellow phlegm.  I am trying but I'm not really getting better.  And there is so much stuff to do that is piling up and has no sympathy for me and my battle with Cold.

Like playing derby. 

I did try the derby cure.  Well, a bit of cure and a bit of a test.  I needed to know I would be physically capable of playing this weekend in an invitational signed up for over a month ago.  I went to practice last night and did my best not to infect my teammates.  Getting out of the house and breathing in all the fresh arena air with it's invigorating dust and mold spores should be good for me, right?  I'm not totally nuts, there is some history here.  I have tried derby before to cure a head cold and have met with some, abet temporary, success.  I think scrimmaging, at the very least, proved to be a pretty good distraction to some sinus discomfort.

Last night, however, did not provide the same level of distraction.  I did do practice just fine, though there were some shaky moments during the endurance part of the evening, and other than adding a nose blow and a good cough to my itinerary whenever a water break was called, it really wasn't so bad.  I never felt good, but I didn't feel really bad either.  I was feeling like maybe I can do this!

The drive home, however, Not So Rockin'.  By the time I pulled in the driveway, Cold was sufficiently stocked for his counter assault on my lungs to leave me reeling.  I was quite the picture, trying to hang up my sweaty derby gear to dry while demonic tics worked their way through my body, snuffling and trying not to pull a Slimer all over my knee pads. 

And coughing!

No, better to try to forget the coughing.  Not pretty.

This morning, after vowing to quit smoking before I realized that I did 10 years ago, I decided to withdraw from this weekend's invitational.  Which I'm really sad about because I wanted to go push around some really awesome bitches.  I'll have to wait until the end of the month now to get 'em.

I also did a bit of looking around on the weird and wonderful Internet to try to ascertain whether or not one should exercise heavily while sick.  The general opinion of such prestigious sources such as The Mayo Clinic and all the other articles that quoted the Mayo Clinic, it is okay to exercise normally with a cold if your symptoms are above your shoulders.  If, however, you've got a chest congestion, best to just rest until you've recovered.


So, back with the mint tea and steamy showers and trying to loosen Cold out of my chest.  Which is too bad because while derby may not be the best thing for my body right now, it is the best for my head.  I miss skating and I miss the track and I even miss the dusty, moldy arena air.  A few days without a real practice and I start creating impromptu practices while going about my daily business.  Like positional blocking with carts at the grocery store (always a good one to enrage any irritating fellow customers) or using hip checks to open doors or move inopportunely positioned husbands in the kitchen.

Here is me looking at the bright side and trying not to sulk.  Next week, if I'm not better for league scrimmage, I can NSO, which would help me out for when I go to the OCDG's ref clinic in November.  And I can also put on a whistle for my team practice and call out penalties (that'll make me popular).  And when I am cut off in traffic and must cuss out another driver, I can call them a Fucking Demonic Cold and know that I've called them the nastiest thing there is. 

And I will remember that I've managed to get up so far every time someone, or something, has knocked me down.  That What Does Not Kill Me and such garbage.  Still, if anyone knows of a good exorcist, message me!


1 comment:

  1. I am right there with you, love! Some of my friends that went to RollerCon came home with a plague, and felt it appropriate to give it to me. I have the Vegas plague, and I didn't get the joy of all the derby awesomeness to go with it. I actually chose NOT to go to practice last night in an effort not to give it to the whole damn league. Missed out on a really cook guest coach and everything.
    I hope you exorcize your cold demon soon so you can get back to some serious butt-kicking!